Monday, September 29, 2008

Cultivating Silence

When you have tinnitus as I do, silence is not an option anymore. When you have goats silence ceases except for rare moments. I am learning to stop when the farm noises cease. If I can block out the ringing in my ears then I savor the silence. I realized the other day that it probably isn't silent in heaven. The praises of our God will be constantly sung. So His silence must be of a different type. I guess it is the silence of complete fulfillment, completion, attainment, no more longing. So I decided to try to cultivte God's silence - being still in His presence and savoring the meatand drink that is His grace and presence. His silence isn't the absence of sound as it is down here. I don't think so anyway.

Many years ago, as a young woman of nineteen or so, I had a vision. I had gone to pray out in a field early in the morning. It was a bright sunny morning in summer. A tractor already was threading its way across a field and its steady drone was rather peaceful. It looked like an ant crawling across the grasses. That is the last thing I remembered for awhile.

Suddenly there appeared an enormous angel ( at least I think it was, but it was a being that I could see) in the distance. But it wasn't the sight of it that held me, it was the sound. There was singing - and such a singing that it was life itself. It fed me as no mel has ever fed me. I wanted to be gathered up into this song. The physical feeling of it has never left me. The silence of God is life itself. The praises of God sung by us IS our food. And it is the sublimest energy - of course beyond description. At that time God buried in my core His song and I understand in a minute way why my soul longs for Him and will not be happy until I enter that song.

When I awoke I was laying flat on the ground and had no idea what time it was. The tractor was gone. I picked myself up, wondering where I had been, contemplating the absolute sound of silence that was vibrating in my being.

I promptly stepped on two honey bees, on in each foot. I had to perform that night with a dance troup. I floated home walking on the outside of my feet. After the stinging left I was perfectly fine. I performed and the next morning my feet swelled up and I was out for the count. Down to earth!

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